Redneck Etiquette


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 Plucking unwanted nose hair is time consuming work. A cigarette lighter
and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal and save hours.  It’s
a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when using this method.
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Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand me down item.
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While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in
private using one’s OWN truck keys.
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Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days.   However, if
you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.

 

Wine Tips

When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly
so as not to “bruise” the fruit of the vine.
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If drinking directly from the bottle, you should
always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

 

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME

A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
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Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.

 

TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS

When  sending your wife down the road with a gas can,
it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
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If you have to vacuum the bed, it’s time to change the sheets.